the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
