Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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