census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
