You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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