I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize