He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
