she was so not down for the gang bang
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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