this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
