put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
