SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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