she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
