I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
