So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
