The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
