My balls are so social today.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
