It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
