At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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