whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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