Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
