Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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