i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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