I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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