i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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