I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
