we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
