I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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