Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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