Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
