you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
