It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
