Ambien. No doubt about it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
