So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
