If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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