This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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