I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
