My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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