Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
