Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
