No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
