my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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