just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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