peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
