Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
