I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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