So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
