Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
