Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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