I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
