Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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