Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
