His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
