i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
