why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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