dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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