TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
