I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
