sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
