I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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